I didn’t feel pretty. And I loved it.

We all feel 100% about our appearance 100% of the time, right? F*ck that, no! That’s not how real life works.  And I think 99.999999999999% of it all stems from comparison.

This story is from a real day in the life of yours truly that broke me out of a cycle of self defeated thinking that all stemmed from comparison (and the lack there of!).

Picture a typical week day.  I was feeling tired, stressed, and desperate for my hour and a half of me time at the gym. Regardless of the social standards of beauty (or maybe it was because of them?) I was feeling “under the weather” as far as appearances go: I was wearing absolutely no makeup behind my glasses, hadn’t washed my hair in the better part of a week, and was debating whether my leggings were the “wear me one more time” dirty or the “everyone is silently begging you to go wash those now, please” dirty.

Walking around my school gym in this state wasn’t fun. I would compare myself to those girls that look impeccable at the gym in their cute, butt-framing, patterned leggings and crop top to patch, and with perfect make up.  My most shallow, insecure self would scream in frustration, “it looks like you go to the gym everyday and eat the perfect diet in their day to fit into said crop tops! Who can compete with that?!” And then I would turn it back onto myself:  “Why can’t I be like that?? Why don’t I just go the gym every day?? It’s not that hard!” Queue the snowball of judgement to accompany my squats. But luckily I had an unusual response to the landslide of self-defeating thoughts:

It is so f*cking exhausting  to maintain this mindset!

Thank goodness my brain was feeling contrary that day.  I mean, aren’t you exhausted by just reading those handful of questions that would run rampant through my head?? I sure was.   Maybe you also know the incredible amount of energy necessary foster this thinking in your life. My workout could have been filled with self defeating thoughts every time I looked in the mirror. I could have

But I decided to not even put myself in the comparison race.  That day, I ended up having an awesome workout and feeling amazing afterward because I didn’t have that nagging voice weighing me down.  I was able to focus on the things I was doing well, the challenges I was facing, and identify which parts of my workout I wanted to cultivate and strengthen.  And I was able to look at the other girls (and guys) with compassion, appreciating their unique style.

Getting out of our head, into our bodies, and off the track of comparing our lives, bodies, personalities, careers, journeys, etc… to other people’s is truly the key to living our most fulfilling, fun, authentic lives.  So, the takeaway?

Tune out to tune in

When you can be in tune with your needs and desires, you do the things that truly bring you to life and light you up.  You may go to sleep at the times that work for you, start biking when everyone is running or doing yoga.  Maybe you eat meat when everyone is vegan.  Maybe you actually do go make a smoothie because damn those are tasty! Or you decide that you are over the whole fad and go cook some eggs like a normal person.

When you can tune into your true feelings, you can gauge what is working for you and what isn’t.  You can hold more compassion for yourself because you aren’t looking at an unrealistic reference for your situation. And that is how you can truly choose healthy actions based on self care (how you want to feel), because you are actually in tune with how you truly feel.

When you stop comparing yourself to others, you can become your best, authentic self.  No stealing joy from yourself.  No causing distance between you and others by creating bad juju.  Just celebrating what makes you come to life.

~~~

Are you feeling tired of holding yourself to unrealistic standards? Do you want to feel the weightlessness that comes when you can simply be yourself? Look for my Ultimate Self Care Guide to come tomorrow!

Until then, let me know if you can identify with any part of this post! I love to learn more about you :)

Much Love,
Lucy

 

 

 

Photo by Geert Pieters on Unsplash

What to do when cravings call

So I’ve talked a lot about “giving into” cravings as a good thing.  Because it is! It shows your body that you are listening to it and respect its desires.  I believe your body is an extension of yourself, which means that your highest version of yourself is listening and paying attention when you treat s/he the way s/he wants.

As you read this, you are probably thinking about how we might all be fat if we sat around and gave into every craving we ever had. And TO AN EXTENT, I might agree with you . But hear me out. Are the “cravings” you are listening to your true cravings?

I am getting a bit ahead of myself, but cravings are such a loaded topic.  They mean different things to different people.  Usually people are afraid to “give into” cravings because they may not trust themselves.  Or they think they “shouldn’t”.  Or they “know better”.  Or because it goes against what everyone around them is doing.   And I have been there in the past.  It is important to note your mentality around cravings…I truly believe that our mindset around restriction is an important reflection on how we take care of ourselves. And most of all, we need to be listening to the true cravings from ourselves.

I find that there are a lot of fears around cravings.  These often include:

• “But Lucy, I am not healthy for eating [xyz]!”  Okay, my friend, almost all foods can fit into a healthy diet.  Take a look at your whole diet.  If you are consistently eating foods that make you feel good and align with your body, having a treat once in a while (i.e. when you have your craving) is only going to help.  Mental health is just as real and relevant and has much more of an effect on our bodies than we realize.  Just eat the dang fries.  And burger.  Give yourself the permission to enjoy the experience without guilt or shame.

• “Once I start, I will never stop”  The second you start telling yourself you can’t have something is the second it starts to cast a spell on you.  You know the feeling.  It happens for food and non-food things alike.  So don’t tell yourself no.  BUT also make sure you say yes to the thing that will serve you, that you DO want.  Like I that one time I really wanted a cookie, but I also wanted less-acidic foods, so I made sure to order a salad with lots of veggies.  The cookie would taste awesome (okay for the record, that salad was delicious also because of local veggies!), and the salad helped me not get a cold.

• “This will make me feel bad” Then how can we work with it? If you know something is going to make you feel bad, is there a way to satisfy your craving with something that will either make you not hate yourself afterward? Or will you be satisfied with a smaller portion.  Or is today the day you just go for it with gusto and NOT judge yourself?
• “I will be judged for eating/not eating this” Let me just say, f*ck what anybody thinks! You are the one living in your body.  You are the one who knows you best, and listening to yourself despite what is going on around you is one of the most powerful actions.  But do not forget the most important question with this fear: are you judging yourself? Sometimes we think other people are judging us, when it is really originating in our own head.

I am not making a case to tell people to not eat healthy, because feeling good is the real goal here.  And healthy food typically plays a major role in feeling good. The point, particularly with cravings you may think are “bad”, is to not beat yourself up about not being perfect.  And who said cravings mean eating unhealthily? They aren’t always for foods, drinks, behaviors that make us feel bad. Sometimes we just listen to the ones that we think of as negative because they typically are easier to hear and/or are easier to act on.

What about the desires–the cravings–you experience for the things that ultimately serve you?

You have probably had cravings to rest, take care of yourself, eat salad, green smoothie, or fruit, or that UNsweetened thing. You have probably had a craving for something different than your friends are eating.  I often have cravings for going to sleep early and to workout.  Most people would argue those behaviors are quite healthy, but we don’t sit around stressing about these types of cravings.  They just may be harder to listen to because they take a bit more work than reaching for the

We humans are just so amazing at hyper focusing in the negative that we only see “bad” cravings. But instead of saying any craving is “good” or “bad”, just say that IT IS. When you take away the qualifier that makes it a subjective thing, you take away the judgement.

And let’s be clear, the key is to listen to your true cravings.

When talking about that desire for a food…take a second to observe what is going on.  Are you truly craving personal connection? Are you looking for something to calm your nerves? Are you simply bored and looking for excitement? Don’t judge yourself! Simply ask yourself “why” more than 3 times and see what comes up.  Then decide if you want that craving.  Whether you do or not, make sure to serve yourself by honoring your true, deeper craving as well.

 

Lots of love.
Lucy

Feature photo by JC Bonassin on Unsplash
Burger photo by Kyle Mills on Unsplash
Fruit Spread Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

SOUL ON FIRE CIRCLE 1

 

 

I AM SO EXCITED TO POST ABOUT THIS!

What will be going down:
>> What soul-aligned goals are and how to set them
>> Cultivating daily habits to achieve your goals
>> Getting rid of past junk that blocks you from being your best self and reaching your goals
>> Feeling amazing in your body as it is now
>> Mindful eating 
>> Yoga and meditation/visualization sessions
>> Mind/body connection
>> MORE!

…

WHO: Any lady who is called to strengthening her commitment to herself and her health to show up fully in her life as her best self.

WHAT: A 2-day retreat surrounded by like-minded women that will be packed with soulful workshops, yoga, great food, and more goodies!

WHERE: In a beautiful house around the Shenandoah valley (either in Afton, Massenutten, or Bryce Resort!)

WHEN: February 24-25th (Friday and Saturday night stays are included in the stay)

WHY: Because you deserve to feel amazing in your body, life, and relationships every. damn. day.

 

GO TO THIS PAGE TO SIGN UP!